WHAT FAIRNESS LOOKS LIKE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Ever been in a relationship where you felt shortchanged? Like you were giving way more than you were getting? Like way more was being expected of you than you felt was justifiable?

So much so you felt cheated, undermined, and outright 'unheard'; like your feelings didn't quite matter?

Mutual respect, equality, and consideration for the needs of another; consideration for their feelings, and even their boundaries, etc,

are all crucial hallmarks of fairness in every adult relationship. These are tools you bring to the table at the onset of an agreed upon relationship.

If we're going to be friends....

If we're going to be a couple....

If we're going to have a mutually fulfilling or loving parent and adult child relationship....

If we're going to get along as siblings.....

In addition to these, we begin to build on the following;

RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION; The thing with communication you find, is that everyone seems to feel they owe it to themselves to bare their hearts as is, in the name of honesty.

We forget though that there is such a thing as tact,

also as when and 'how' exactly to communicate, different things to different individual personalities, per time.

That things like tone and body language sometimes, speak much louder than actual words.

Thus the words respectful communication, rather than communication plain and simple.

So happens that as all things, some of us are more skilled at these matters than others.

Yet, we all never stop learning and honing our communication skills as we strive to get better and better at it.

That said, the goal here is that either partner ought to feel comfortable expressing his or her thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fearing judgment or reprisal.

When a partner finds they cannot seem to find any way at all to communicate the things that matter to them the most, that is definitely a red flag that needs working on.

Respectful communication thrives on placing value on another individual who has their own unique perspectives, preferences, and autonomy.

This is the mindset that drives one to constantly listen attentively to the other party , honoring their boundaries ( at least those you do perceive ) , and treating each other with kindness and consideration.

EQUALITY; This I must say, has been much abused in different spheres. For instance when superiors think they have certain rights over their subordinates and the subordinates themselves have no rights of their own in the relationship.

This isn't fairness.

Fairness entails a sense of balance and equality in decision-making, responsibilities, and power dynamics within the relationship.

Both partners should have an equal voice and opportunity to contribute, regardless of gender, social status, or other factors. The reason we have pressure groups in work places, to ensure that workers rights are not being undermined.

How about in a marriage relationship? Here again the question would be,

Are there any expectations?

What are the bases for these expectations?

Gender roles, perhaps? ( or not?)

Fairness would demand for there to be equitable distribution of responsibilities, including household chores, financial obligations, and caregiving duties.

Couples should cooperate and support each other in sharing the workload, based on individual strengths, preferences, and circumstances ( unique to each couple ).

Because if these dynamics aren't worked out ( whether directly via actual conversations, or indirectly from instinctive knowing ) , each party will be in limbo as to what the other expects, leading to constant friction.

See how, once understood, and agreed upon, it becomes easier for a husband and wife to communicate fairness to each other.

COMPROMISE:

Contrary to what we hear more often, you can't really have it all; something/s will have to make way for other things you have both come to prioritize.

Fairness often requires compromise and negotiation to find mutually satisfactory options/alternatives, as well as solutions to conflicts. Both partners should be willing to listen, empathize, and find common ground through respectful dialogue.

EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING; It's only fair to try considering "where the other person is coming from" and be seen to empathize with that. Their experiences, emotions, natural bents, and perspectives. Even if not to always defer to these things, but at least put them into consideration and seek ways to work around them rather than run rough shod over them.

Partners should strive to validate each other's feelings, offer support during difficult times, and show compassion for each other's struggles. Life can be hard. And yes it can be harder for some people, even given same circumstances. People's thresholds and triggers are different, thus, man's deep rooted need for understanding by another human.

Isn't that a beautiful thing?

TRANSPARENCY; This is more about ensuring that you're not giving off mixed signals on matters that border on trust, or can affect the way you're viewed when found out, than it is about telling all your secrets and even work related confidentialities. That really isn't necessary unless it bears directly on your relationship; in which case you handle with discretion.

Lies and deception are out of the question if you're to be fair in a relationship with another human who themselves have laid their own cards on the table for you.

Trust is built on a foundation of openness and integrity.

"Do what you say, and say what you do", basically.

RESPECT FOR BOUNDARIES; Everyone has boundaries or at least should have some guiding boundaries to help protect them from being infringed upon one way or another. I for instance, lock my bedroom door when I need some quiet from my children around my home. They took have learned to respect that and leave me be at such times, save when one of them chooses to bring me coffee.

On the other hand, my daughter has a facial expression that says, 'bug off' when she's deep in her studies.

She's constantly in that zone and we've all learned to respect it.

Each party in a relationship should respect the other's physical, emotional, and personal boundaries. Consenting to each other's boundaries fosters a sense of safety, trust, and mutual respect within the relationship.

FAIR CONFLICT RESOLUTION; Fairness extends to how conflicts are resolved within the relationship. Both partners should approach disagreements with patience, empathy, and a willingness to listen and find constructive solutions together.

CELEBRATING OTHERS' SUCCESSES: Fairness involves genuinely affirming and celebrating other people's achievements, successes, and milestones, with joy and support.

Couples should take pride in each other's accomplishments and offer encouragement during both highs and lows.

Ultimately, fairness in a relationship is about creating a partnership based on equality, empathy, and mutual respect. It requires ongoing effort, intentionality, constant dialogue, and a commitment to nurturing a relationship where both parties feel valued, understood, and supported.